Two weeks ago I went to a Utah State open house- they do it at the Shilo Inn every year for area seniors to come check out USU. Todd & I are the Alumni Chapter Presidents (the crappiest ones ever but none the less the presidents). We get invited to come to this and help out with whatever they need. When I was going to USU part of my scholarship entailed coming to these open houses and talking to all incoming freshmen. They were so much fun. To motivate people to come to USU and convince them it was the choice for them was not hard because I was essentially living what I was preaching. Now every year we get asked to come help I get a little intimidated and nervous because really do I have a lot to offer? My potential has come full circle and left me or so it seems.So wearily I committed to going the other night mostly out of guilt because it is one presidential duty I can fulfill without too much effort AND I had a former PLC scholarship neighbor/friend to go with me. So after a night of chatting with prospective students/parents (some of whom I knew) and USU ambassadors (like myself 10years ago- that made me feel old) I came home and told Todd I had so much fun.
Now I don't know if this is the dead mommy talking that actually got to talk to someone other then a little person that asks more questions then responses or if it was the old Jillian peeping her head out for a little while.
My point is I came home feeling a little nostalgic and sad and a little happy and light hearted. A little nostalgic because 10 years ago I was the one on the horizon with "so much potential" and on the verge of doing stuff. A little sad because somewhere a long the way I feel like that "potential" is gone away with my size 4 jeans that I likely(who am I kidding likely) will never see again. But a little happy and light hearted to realize that I still had what I had that long ago...The old Jillian is there and can come out when it needs to.
That life seems so far away. And I know that if I wasn't where I am I would want to be and that is enough. My question is this: When do you leave the "so much potential" part of life and move on to the "done their thing" part? It made me do some self examination to want to be doing more then surviving the day :)! However it hasn't quite kicked into gear yet. Maybe tomorrow?
10 comments:
Jillian, I think you are such a star and I can really empathize with everything that you wrote. I think there is a time for everything, and this is just a time for something else. I think its nice to visit that time when it was all about us and our potential, but honestly I don't think that we'd like to stay there (obviously or we'd still be there);) I do think (and hope) that someday there will be a little more time for getting reacquainted with the old us...
Jill you have an amazing family! You are an awesome mom, your great amazing kids are your accomplishments. You are happy and fun and make everyone feel better when they are around you. So maybe you can't pick up a piece of paper that has your titles on it or pay stubs or more school degrees. Instead you have qualities and accomplishments like your family and kind heart, that are too great that a piece of paper could never hold them.
So you have moved on to the next chapter in your life...your family and being a mother, which I think is the greatest potential we can achieve. You are funny. I am glad you were able to have a good time. If you do ever have to come to Logan, you need to let me know so we can meet up. I would love to see you. I hope you and your family are doing good.
Jill, I know exactly what you need!! You need to read "I am a Mother" by Jane Clayson Johnson. Whenever I feel this way I break it out and read it. It is a quick, easy read, and it will get you out of the "this is what I USED to be, but this is just what I am now" mode. Believe me, it will help. I love it. Buy it now. You need your own copy.
Your trip down memory lane did have me thinking about all our fun times at USU. Remember, and I know you do, the shanty? the crazy night studying with Bono? Trish's mom hair? the all night honor's party with Susie?
It is fun to think about. Really, it's almost like those crazy things didn't really happen. When I think of USU and rooming with you and Sarah I just think of laughing a lot. Good times.
I get to watch Morgan have fun being an Aggie now. Whenever sshe does something that my mom thinks is ridiculous, I have to tell her about all the things we did, but yet, somehow, though we were the exception to being lame freshman :) Ok, I probably should have made this an email. Oh well, Love you and miss you TONS!
I love reminiscing about the good old days as I like to call them. Like I said I am constantly reminding Jake of how cool I used to be haha.
Dad told me this once--and I cling to it everyday.
"There are advantages to age"
I know you love your season of life--and love to be a mom. Think of all your "advantages" now that you are not a size 4.
Good post--you influence a lot of people with your writing.
Jill,
I still think you have potential!!! :)
You are the best and I am so proud of you as my daughter. I know life is mundane now, but I promise you the day will soon come you will look back (as I do) and wish you could replay it for just a moment. I love you--your Dad
thanks for the trip down USU memory lane! It is weird to me, that the USU life seems like a whole other life doesn't it? It wasn't THAT long ago! :) We had some great times and I wouldn't trade any of that for anything. I agree with the previous posts, that there is a season for everything. When i just tried to go back to school this previous spring...I quickly realized that this is not my season for THAT! :) I miss you and my other besties...
Oh, Jillian. You are in good company with me- I know how you feel. What has become of us?! We're reaching our potential..just a different potential than we ever imagined. Just think of your "I deal with too much poop" post. That killed me...so funny, but still...who would have thought we'd be able to have that on our resumes? If we can deal with poop--we can do anything!
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